Beyond the fear
On being tongue-tied in Hindi
So. About a month back, I was invited to be a panelist in a debate by Sanmarg, one of the largest Hindi newspapers in India! The catch was - the debate was to be in Hindi.
I said - are you mad? As Amitabh Bachchan famously said - I talk English, I walk English, I laugh English. Me saying anything in Hindi would result in a Comedy Central episode. They said - yes, but come anyway, your mother tongue is Hindi, and you are allowed to slip into English once in a while. And, horror of horrors, I found myself saying yes!
And then started the litany of sleepless nights. For a full month.
I sometimes think - anything which frightens me draws me in intensely. I am hard-geared towards things which give me a hard time, which takes my peace away, gives me a trip into hell.
As the event drew closer, I started to teeter on extreme tenterhooks. I put my points down for the debate, in English of course. And then thought through the entire thing in my pidgin Hindi! I finally narrated it to the family - for their ideas and, alas, to some intense laughter! But everybody agreed - I (largely ) wouldn't make too much of a fool of myself - though the level of competency in the language was equivalent to the Hindi spoken by our Pappu-fied Opposition leader.
I am proud to say - yesterday, the debate ensued. AND I SURVIVED. (And so did the audience.)
But all things aside, I loved the experience - and for so many reasons. Apart from the fact that Sanmarg was such a warm host, and Swati Gautam an outstanding sutradhar, for me, there were so many things which I took away from the experience. Let me rattle them off.
Language is just a medium. Always (always) - emotions matter. Of course, being flawless in expression is a pleasure in itself, but to tell stories which touch the heart is something which is its own beautiful destination. We are hard-wired to revel in stories which are told well.
One HAS to prepare - there's no other option. The final outcome is not something which is in your hands, but how we get ready is. And that itself is both painful - and fun! And debates are such great occasions to prepare for. You think of your arguments - and of the other side, so you can think of how to checkmate them! So it becomes a chess game - where you’re thinking of your own strategy and of your opponent’s .
As I sat on the stage listening to all the debaters, I was so excited, hearing good minds conjure their unique perspectives. Which, of course, simply reaffirmed the fact that one of the greatest joys of life is to encounter people who are bright, ebullient and ready to share fearlessly of what they believe in.
Meeting people invigorates limitlessly. The mind expands and life stories of almost everybody enlarges us as human beings. I love being around them, with them. Of course, I love my aloneness, my solitary walks, the time I am with myself. But I think it is interactions with people which feeds my lonely hours and gives me pleasure which lasts like the perfume which a beautiful woman might leave in her wake.
Anything which scares the shit out of you is the very thing which you HAVE to jump into. Time and again, in every age, in every situation, I have literally forced myself into absurd and crazy situations, done things which reek of potential egg-in-the-face. And have found myself not only surviving, but saved - saved from routine, saved from boredom, saved from being comfortable with status quo, saved from my disabling cocoon!!
So until the next thing which will embarrass the hell out of me - onwards!
Such a delightful read!!